The Santa Claus Machine, a Short Story
How does the machine that can make anything work?
This is a very short story from a long time ago, from when I am still learning to tell stories. Other than fixing the worst of the bad grammar I had then, I have left it as it was. I hope you enjoy it.
The Santa Claus Machine
by J. R. Steinhaus
Notes on Dr. Cristoforo Crangal
Dr. Cristoforo Crangal Fired from Memorial Hospital for His Immoral Genetic Engineering, 2027 Headlines L.A. Times
Brilliant Geneticist Switches Studies to Engineering, 2035 Headlines Denver Review
2042 Columbus, OH, Dr. Crangal starts Multi-Tec Incorporated
2055 Multi-Tec’s Santa Claus Machine makes its debut.
After sifting through the tons of information I have been able to uncover since I began, these are still the only major points relative to my investigation. In the ten years since Dr. Crangal Santa Machine made its debut, neither Dew-Mar industries nor any of the other big corps have been able to find out how it works. Dew-Mar, however, being unable to duplicate Crangal’s research, hired me. They needed a Special Investigator.
Even after eight weeks on the problem, I have not uncovered anything on the workings of the Santa Machine. This was not pleasing Dew-Mar any at all. When they hired you for a job, they expected quick results and you had damn well better deliver them.
Ever since the invention of Westonite, it has no longer been a case of just disassembling something to find out how it worked. The opening or even the disfiguring of a container of Westonite destroyed its contents so thoroughly that analysis is useless. Now, when someone cannot figure out how something works, they hire a good Special Investigator like me. They don’t care how I get the results just so long as I get them, and I always get results.
Usually, after a week of background research and another week of surveillance, I at least know where the information is and how to go about getting it. In this case however, I had spent three weeks doing background research and another five on surveillance. I was still only 60% sure that I knew where the information was, and my time was getting short. This was going to take some desperate moves.
Special Investigation rarely ever calls for as extreme measures as the ones I am forced to use this time. Very few companies or people are as careful with their secrets as Dr. Crangal. The only two places that the information could be hidden were the factory and Dr. Crangle’s office in the Multi-Tec building. The factory, from my point of view, was impenetrable. If the factory was the only option, I would so inform Dew-Mar, there by forfeiting my fee, and they would hire a hit squad to get it. That left the main terminal in Crangal’s private office as the only other place I could get the information. That terminal had a top line single person security system on it that was damn near impossible to break.
It took three days to get everything set up. By posing as part of the maintenance crew, I placed devices throughout the building.
Now, with the flick of a switch, everyone in the building would be knocked unconscious. While some people would consider this going too far, I considered such caution necessary if you didn’t want to be caught.
Time wore on as I waited for Dr. Crangal to approach his terminal and log on. At 14:37, my patience was finally rewarded. One of my mini-cams showed him logging on. As soon as I confirmed that he was logged on and was past all the security checks, I flipped the switch.
Everyone in the building went to sleep.
Quickly, I entered the building, deactivating each section of the stun field as approached it and reactivating it as I was passed, so no one would be able to follow. This would ensure that my work was uninterrupted for at least a little while. It would also hamper anyone trying to catch me if something went wrong.
I made my way to Dr. Crangal’s plush, private office, where I took his seat with him lying on the floor beside it. After forty-five minutes of searching directory after directory, I found a file that looked promising. At first, I thought that I had hit the jackpot. After two hours of examining it, it turned out to be just the specs on the input/output devices, both information and material. I had just wasted three quarters of my lead time and had very little left. I still didn’t know where the information was.
Every time I thought I was getting close, I would get a reference to something called Extremely Little Versatile Employment System, but what it was and how it worked I could not find out in the specs.
I did some more random scanning of the directories with not much hope since my time was getting very short. I was very surprised when I found it stored under mythology. At first, I sat there in disbelief, reading the summary of it at first not comprehending what I had found. It was a genetic code for three-inch people.
I had the secret.
Kris Crangal’s Santa Claus Machine was full of ELVES.