I enjoyed it. The criticism I would give is that it suffered a bit from overexplaining. trying to fill the knowledge you know, to the reader. which turns into the characters spouting things that sound unnatural in dialog for the sake of an explanation of the world's rules, names, and so on. If that was replaced with more tension throughout the conversations leading to the ending I think it would have been even better. Like a string of tension that didn't snap, just slacked. Like I said though, I enjoyed it very much, just needed more ambiguity and a bit more tension to feel the payoff as it gets closer to the end.
Just my opinions though! hope they don't come off as mean, always trying to give what I want. constructive criticism to get better.
There are so many exciting and enticing ideas in this James that they were almost fighting for space. Personally, I needed more time and more information to absorb them. This made me wonder if it might be worth expanding this piece from flash fiction to a story with a longer wordcount. This is just my opinion, and I say it with encouragement and not criticism.
I enjoyed it. The criticism I would give is that it suffered a bit from overexplaining. trying to fill the knowledge you know, to the reader. which turns into the characters spouting things that sound unnatural in dialog for the sake of an explanation of the world's rules, names, and so on. If that was replaced with more tension throughout the conversations leading to the ending I think it would have been even better. Like a string of tension that didn't snap, just slacked. Like I said though, I enjoyed it very much, just needed more ambiguity and a bit more tension to feel the payoff as it gets closer to the end.
Just my opinions though! hope they don't come off as mean, always trying to give what I want. constructive criticism to get better.
Keep it up homie!
thanks, just the type of feed back I need!
There are so many exciting and enticing ideas in this James that they were almost fighting for space. Personally, I needed more time and more information to absorb them. This made me wonder if it might be worth expanding this piece from flash fiction to a story with a longer wordcount. This is just my opinion, and I say it with encouragement and not criticism.
I agree with Posy, James. There’s so much going on it’s hard to make sense of it all in so many words. I like the premise though, keep it up, bro!
Nice one, James. I like the twist of who wins necromancer battles.